Everyday many children are born. Some Children are not lucky and are born with no home. Children who are forced to spend their life on the street, begging for money or maybe have a tiny bit of luck and ends up in an orpanhange.
Some children, like me, goes to adoption. I am lucky and honest when I say that I have had a great childhood, with loving parents who wanted nothing more than a child. Growing up in a safe home with a lot of loving people around me.
When I see young mothers in poor countries, homeless on the street with an infant, it seems so far a way in my reality. But is it? Maybe my biological mother was one of those young pregnant women on the street, begging tourists for money, together with a small infant that was me. I could have been one of those children forced to spend my life on the street, begging for money or I could have the tiniest bit of luck and end up in an orphanage. But neither of that happend, I ended up in Sweden.
And I am lucky but I am full of questions about my roots.
I was planning to go to Sri Lanka in January, which is now and because of work and other things, I won't be able to go. But I make new plans to go this fall. I think it is important to do it soon because otherwise it might be to late.
måndag 13 januari 2014
söndag 10 november 2013
disappointment
I am sad to say that I won't be able to travel to Sri Lanka in January as I thought I would when I started this blog. Something has come up in my life that won't allow me to go. I started a course so my economy won't allow me to travel to Sri Lanka, neither do I have time.
I hope I will get a new chance some time in the near future.
I hope I will get a new chance some time in the near future.
torsdag 16 maj 2013
reply
I have finally gotten a reply from the organisation that helps adoptees finding their roots.
I got information on how the process is going to be and how I can prepare myself. All seems good except they will charge some money for the searching process and I am not sure what to think about that. Of course maybe to cover the costs and the time they are spending trying to find what I am looking for. But I have talked to other people getting help from these people with sucessful results so it is worth thinking about.
The man of the organisation was away at the moment but I am going to call him after the 22nd of May and it always feels good to talk to someone about the situation! Someone that has experience in this!
Not so long entry today but at least something is finally happening!
(Spring is on its way from a long, cold winter and I am feeling warm and happy inside)
Thank you for reading!
Victoria
I got information on how the process is going to be and how I can prepare myself. All seems good except they will charge some money for the searching process and I am not sure what to think about that. Of course maybe to cover the costs and the time they are spending trying to find what I am looking for. But I have talked to other people getting help from these people with sucessful results so it is worth thinking about.
The man of the organisation was away at the moment but I am going to call him after the 22nd of May and it always feels good to talk to someone about the situation! Someone that has experience in this!
Not so long entry today but at least something is finally happening!
(Spring is on its way from a long, cold winter and I am feeling warm and happy inside)
Thank you for reading!
Victoria
fredag 10 maj 2013
nice
There were two women who never got to know each other.
The first one I do not remember. The second I call Mom.
Two different lives created to give me mine.
One lit my star. The second was my sun.
The first gave me life. The second taught me how to live it.
The first created in me the need for love. The second was there to give me love.
One gave me an origin. The second, gave me an identity.
One gave my talent. The second, a goal with it. One gave me the ability to feel. The second, was there when I felt uneasy.
One saw my first smile. The second wipe my tears.
One searched for me a home she could not give me. The second asked for a child, and her wish came true.
And now ask myself, through the tears, the age old question that has remained unanswered through the years. Heredity or environment, what am I a product of?
The first one I do not remember. The second I call Mom.
Two different lives created to give me mine.
One lit my star. The second was my sun.
The first gave me life. The second taught me how to live it.
The first created in me the need for love. The second was there to give me love.
One gave me an origin. The second, gave me an identity.
One gave my talent. The second, a goal with it. One gave me the ability to feel. The second, was there when I felt uneasy.
One saw my first smile. The second wipe my tears.
One searched for me a home she could not give me. The second asked for a child, and her wish came true.
And now ask myself, through the tears, the age old question that has remained unanswered through the years. Heredity or environment, what am I a product of?
Neither darling neither, just two different kinds of love.
måndag 6 maj 2013
an update
Well... what more can I do?
I still don't have an answer from the Sri Lankan embassy in Sweden, but if I think about it... What can they do? Give me advice, but then what?
No, as I wrote before, the answer to my questions is not here- they (if there are any) are in Sri Lanka.
I am excited, scared and nervous for this trip. It is still a long time to wait, but time goes very fast and I really don't know how to prepare myself.
I will now send an email to the women shelter in Colombo that is run by Salvation Army. It may be a very long shot, but it is worth a try. From what I understand, this shelter is for exposed and homeless mothers and pregnant women, seeking protection for themselves and their small or unborn babies. Maybe she wasn't even in Colombo. But then, where was she and how did she get hold of the couple who organised my adoption? It is a fair bit from Kalutara to Colombo.
But most of all, I want to know what happend to me, her and why she couldn't keep me. It is a very strange feeling when I write about this, thinking that someone I don't know at all, have carried me inside of her, giving birth and nursed me for my very first few weeks. I I hope she still has me in her heart and hasn't forgotten about me, but then again, what mother forget about her baby?
Even if I don't know her, I have space for her in my heart and I fell sympathy and compassion for her.
Thank you for reading!
Lots of Love
Victoria
I still don't have an answer from the Sri Lankan embassy in Sweden, but if I think about it... What can they do? Give me advice, but then what?
No, as I wrote before, the answer to my questions is not here- they (if there are any) are in Sri Lanka.
I am excited, scared and nervous for this trip. It is still a long time to wait, but time goes very fast and I really don't know how to prepare myself.
I will now send an email to the women shelter in Colombo that is run by Salvation Army. It may be a very long shot, but it is worth a try. From what I understand, this shelter is for exposed and homeless mothers and pregnant women, seeking protection for themselves and their small or unborn babies. Maybe she wasn't even in Colombo. But then, where was she and how did she get hold of the couple who organised my adoption? It is a fair bit from Kalutara to Colombo.
But most of all, I want to know what happend to me, her and why she couldn't keep me. It is a very strange feeling when I write about this, thinking that someone I don't know at all, have carried me inside of her, giving birth and nursed me for my very first few weeks. I I hope she still has me in her heart and hasn't forgotten about me, but then again, what mother forget about her baby?
Even if I don't know her, I have space for her in my heart and I fell sympathy and compassion for her.
Thank you for reading!
Lots of Love
Victoria
lördag 4 maj 2013
preparation
One of the first steps for me, is to try and find my birth certificate, as I don't have one. According to what I have heard this should be located in the archive in the town I was born but if it's not there it is worth trying in the main archive in Colombo. I have also emailed to Sri Lankan embassy in Sweden in hope for advice as well as the couple who helped my parents to adopt me. I have not recievd an answer yet from either.
I have looked for women shelter in Colombo and I have found one that has been there for over 80 years. It is probably a long shot, but what can I lose?
Many questions bubbles with in my soul, and I have so many things that I would like to ask my biological mother if I get the chance of meeting her, but it may be a meeting that would leave me speachless. But if, if I get the chance of meeting her and if she wants to get to know me as well, I have promised myself that I will learn to speak her language, she may not be able to speak English.
It is not so much to write at this moment as not much has happend, but more about what I feel inside!
Lots of Love
Victoria
torsdag 2 maj 2013
the Reason
Every time I have been to Sri Lanka, I have always left the country with unanswered questions about myself and where I come from. But not feeling strong enough, or ready to find something that might hurt, I felt that I'd rather leave things as they were and not feeling the inner strength to dig further in to my biological herritage.
But as the years went my curiosity grew stronger and watching the show "Spårlöst" on TV every Monday, where usally an adoptee search for a biological parent or a sibling, I would always think what it would feel like for me to meet my birth mother or I often imagined myself in their position, having some understanding of what they were going through and how emotional it would be, also for me. So I thought, when I have a job, where I can afford to take some time off and travel to Sri Lanka and I have the inner strength that it takes to search for a needle in a haystack, then I am ready- and now, that time has come.
So I will tell, whoever reads this, a little about my story, but from what I know, it is not a very long story and everythig is according to the few papers and documents I have.
I was born in a town called Kalutara in February 1982 and my birth mother's name was something like Yasawathie Hewage. Unable to take care of me for unknown reason, she gave me a beautiful name "Priyanganie" and left me in care of a middle age couple who helped many couples in Sweden to adopt children. I was looked after by an elderly lady named Agnes, who I have met while she was still alive. In may 1982 the couple came, who was going to be my parents and I left Sri Lanka with them as an infant, and became Victoria, growing up in a small town called Floda, with a safe and loving upbringing.
I have been back to Sri Lanka several times and I love the country, but I want to know about my own herritage now, because I want the last piece of the pussle which would make me whole and complete as a person.
It will be difficult because it feels like there is not much I can do from here so I need to spend time in Sri Lanka to search. Sri Lanka a country full of poverty and governmental corruption, where poor people have zero chance in a society where things move slowly forward. For me, it will be a journey of new meetings, disappointments, happiness and sadness. Unsure of what I will find, I will try not, to hope for too much, but it is hard, because there is an inner wish, so strong that it feels like my heart is going to break everytime I think about it.
I want to meet the woman who made a life altering, unselfish decision to give me the opportunity to a better life. I want to have the opportunity to get to know my birth mother and to find out if I have any sisters or brothers!
Lots of Love
Victoria
But as the years went my curiosity grew stronger and watching the show "Spårlöst" on TV every Monday, where usally an adoptee search for a biological parent or a sibling, I would always think what it would feel like for me to meet my birth mother or I often imagined myself in their position, having some understanding of what they were going through and how emotional it would be, also for me. So I thought, when I have a job, where I can afford to take some time off and travel to Sri Lanka and I have the inner strength that it takes to search for a needle in a haystack, then I am ready- and now, that time has come.
So I will tell, whoever reads this, a little about my story, but from what I know, it is not a very long story and everythig is according to the few papers and documents I have.
I was born in a town called Kalutara in February 1982 and my birth mother's name was something like Yasawathie Hewage. Unable to take care of me for unknown reason, she gave me a beautiful name "Priyanganie" and left me in care of a middle age couple who helped many couples in Sweden to adopt children. I was looked after by an elderly lady named Agnes, who I have met while she was still alive. In may 1982 the couple came, who was going to be my parents and I left Sri Lanka with them as an infant, and became Victoria, growing up in a small town called Floda, with a safe and loving upbringing.
I have been back to Sri Lanka several times and I love the country, but I want to know about my own herritage now, because I want the last piece of the pussle which would make me whole and complete as a person.
It will be difficult because it feels like there is not much I can do from here so I need to spend time in Sri Lanka to search. Sri Lanka a country full of poverty and governmental corruption, where poor people have zero chance in a society where things move slowly forward. For me, it will be a journey of new meetings, disappointments, happiness and sadness. Unsure of what I will find, I will try not, to hope for too much, but it is hard, because there is an inner wish, so strong that it feels like my heart is going to break everytime I think about it.
I want to meet the woman who made a life altering, unselfish decision to give me the opportunity to a better life. I want to have the opportunity to get to know my birth mother and to find out if I have any sisters or brothers!
Lots of Love
Victoria
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